All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
