I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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