I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sorry my hands just texted you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
