Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i barfeds in our rink
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
