Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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