I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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