Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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