Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
