Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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