Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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