I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
