Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
