I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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