Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize