When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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