so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
