ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
