Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
