i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
