Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Come share oat with me in your robe
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
