Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
