What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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