I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we're so committed to being not committed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
