Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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