I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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