Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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