Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
