just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
