I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
