it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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