I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm bleeding and have questions
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
