Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
