now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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