I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
