Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will be naked everywhere
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think a kid would responsible me up
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
