I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize