Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
is it fun? or sober?
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