I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
