I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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