the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
