this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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