Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
