i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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