Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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