yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
