maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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