evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
