That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
