I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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