please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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