lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
