I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drake has all the answers
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