My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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