I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i think my cat just said my name.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
