I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
