What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
