just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
