I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
