Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
