She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
