i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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