So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
