thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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