woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
