He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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