On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
