If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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