He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
