i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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