it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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