How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
