I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
