I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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