please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
