please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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