Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
