He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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